


Things We Meant To Say Yesterday

by PhantomSwelling



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Anger, Angst, Frerard, M/M, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-15
Updated: 2014-06-15
Packaged: 2018-02-04 17:07:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1786654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhantomSwelling/pseuds/PhantomSwelling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gerard storms out after an argument with Frank and Frank spends the night reminiscing over the things he and Gerard have been through. This is an angst-filled Frerard that's told in Frank's POV. </p><p>**Possible trigger warning due to scenes with blood and sadness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Things We Meant To Say Yesterday

**Author's Note:**

> You can now read this fic in Russian, too. A big thank you to Fluffy_Shit for translating. It looks amazing: http://ficbook.net/readfic/2524403

Frank hears the front door slam and that's when he finally let his guard down. He keeps his back along the wall as he slides down, his knees stopping once they touch his chest. He's shaking all over and tears are streaming down his cheeks and landing on his bare knees through the hole in his jeans. His hands are dangling uselessly on the floor, clenched in fists before he brings them up to wipe angrily at his tears. It's always this bad, but he'd never leave.

Frank stares at the destruction that is his living room. The picture frame that hung by the front door is on the ground beside him, the protective glass completely shattered and littering the floor. He couldn't remember when it had ended up there, but it was probably just after the yelling started, or at least he that's what he wanted to believe. Maybe that's what they were fighting about. Frank couldn't be too sure though because there was always something to be angry about.

Shakily, Frank picks up the broken frame and sobs loudly at the picture inside; it's of him and Gerard when they took a vacation to the beach just last summer. The Frank in the picture is smiling happily with his hand in a smiling Gerard's. They looked so happy and in love that Frank has to put the picture down before he throws it across the room. Pictures lied. They never told the full story, but portrayed what you wanted them to, what you showed them; like a painting but far less abstract.

As the frame laid face down in his lap, he felt the photo fall out of place and land unceremoniously in his lap along with a few other shards of glass. He drops the broken frame onto the ground and hears the wood snap, but he doesn't care about it anymore. He brushes the shards out of his lap and holds the photo in his trembling fingers before correcting it and viewing it without the broken glass obstructing his view. The picture is thin between his fingers and definitely the most fragile thing he's held in a while. There's something about being able to destroy something that's weaker than him that makes him even sadder and angrier than before. He holds the photo in his two hands before ripping it unevenly down the middle. When given the power to cause destruction, to make something look and feel as bad as he does, it's only human nature to do so.

Picture Frank and picture Gerard are no longer in the same rectangle. Instead, they are two separate beings. Their joined hands are still on Frank's side and something about that shatters Frank on the inside even more. It doesn't matter what he does anymore; there would always be a piece of Gerard with him. Frank probably would've felt a little more guilty about ripping the picture if there weren't other copies of the same photo resting in other places--Gerard's wallet among those places--but the fact that he had torn the photos, murdered the depiction of happiness, made him feel guilty nonetheless. Without thinking, he runs towards the kitchen, stepping on the discarded glass that he carelessly left on the floor, only thinking about taping the two halves back together with something akin to desperation.

The roll of tape was usually resting in the kitchen drawer where they'd always had it but now it was discarded on the floor along with its other contents. Frank was pretty sure that he was the one who dumped the drawer onto the floor, but he doesn't want to think about it any longer than he has to. Instead, he locates the tape from where it slid halfway underneath the refrigerator and goes down on his hands and knees beside it, resting the torn photo on the floor. Frank carefully tries to stick the frayed pieces back together, but they always brush and push against one another like they are two opposing forces. Eventually, Frank manages to wrestle the tape onto each of the torn pieces and tries to push them together as much as possible. They aren't perfect, but it's better than being separated and lost, alone and forgotten.

Once the photo is taped horribly and disproportionately together, Frank allows himself to cry again. He sits down against the refrigerator door and brings his knees up to his chest, resting his head in his hands. Hot, wet tears drip down onto his gray t-shirt, leaving little spots wherever they land. There are footprints of blood just in front of him on the white tiled floor and that's when he remembers his feet. He probably tracked blood all through the house, and while he knows that it'd be wise to clean it up before Gerard returns, he can't find the strength to do it. By now, if it were any other night, he would've already had the living room swept and shining, the kitchen started, and other small messes in the trash, but, now, he can't even find the strength to stand. He stays on the floor past the point of his ass turning numb and he's shaking all over.

From the kitchen window, he can see that the daylight has faded considerably. He even missed the sunset tonight. Usually that isn't such a big deal since he never really watches it unless Gerard is trying to paint it, but then, of course, he'd never lost track of this much time before.

Frank wishes that he isn't alone with his thoughts. Frank even dares to wish that his neighbors hadn't stopped coming by after each fight like they had during the first couple they'd heard. To this day, Frank still remembers the first fight they'd ever had in this apartment building. His neighbor to the right is an old retired woman whose husband died quite a few years before Gerard and Frank moved in, and she wasn't use to the sounds of glass breaking, people screaming, and the slamming of doors at three in the morning, so she had done what anyone would have done in her situation; she called the cops.

The two cops that appeared on their doorstep had been two very serious dudes. They got right down to business and even though Frank was angry, he sided next to Gerard and held his hand. Gerard must've been as afraid as Frank was because he held back just as tightly. Together, they stood in the doorway, hearing why the cops were at their door and then had to answer a few questions all while making sure the police didn't get a good view of the destroyed interior. Now that Frank could think about it, it was probably considered extremely rude not to invite them in, but it hadn't crossed either of their minds at the time.

Gerard had always been the better one at coming up with excuses, telling stories, so Frank had just gone along with whatever lie Gerard could think of. The officers had taken in the pathetic excuses without further questioning and the pair had walked away with small warnings and figurative slaps on the backs of their hands. The two of them had just stood in the doorway watching the police leave, but Gerard's grip had gotten tighter, angrier. They waved once more, smiling innocently with amiss eyes, before Gerard closed the door and ripped his hand from Frank's as if it had burned him. Frank just stood there uselessly as Gerard brushed by roughly, hitting his shoulder none too gently, and disappeared into his office to sleep on the miniature couch there.

Frank sighs brokenly because at least then Gerard had been with him; even if it was filled with anger and filled with hatred, even when every single glass they'd ever owned was flying through the air and shattering upon impact with walls and other furniture, and even when they swore they never wanted to see each other again, spewing venomous words and never stopping to realize that the other was hurting just as badly, and that their words were knives that often left invisible scars. It was a bittersweet, inescapable cycle that repeats itself more often than either of them would care to admit out loud.

Some days, Frank wonders why he even bothers, why he even tries. It's usually late at night after an argument and Gerard had stormed out the door leaving the destruction behind as if it was someone else's mess. Frank would lie awake those nights after he finished cleaning it all, curled in on himself well into the next morning, his bags half filled with hastily packed clothes and tears flowing freely down his face as he thought of every single reason to leave, but he never did. He'd never even leave the room with those bags or step foot out the door because it felt too much like giving up. He hadn't even gotten a full bag packed before he collapsed on the ground, wiping weakly at his pathetic tears and smearing snot across his cheek.

That's usually how Gerard would find him the next day when he finally decided to come back after those particular fights--and he always did come back which means more to Frank than he could ever put into words--and he'd just lift Frank up, ignoring the way Frank's nose was an ugly red or his eyes were cried out and sunken in, and he'd just kiss him like it was their last time together or they hadn't seen each other in years. They'd whisper their apologies and Gerard would cuddle with Frank no matter where they were, promising to protect him while he slept. Those were the moments that Frank grew to cherish. It was one of the reasons that he stayed for so long.

Frank tries to stand up from the ground but cries out loudly when the glass enters deeply into his foot, sending shooting pains up his legs, causing more blood to escape out onto the floor. The sky is now a empty, starless, pitch black that envelopes the house and makes Frank's tears invisible. Frank watches his blood create a larger puddle around his foot and realizes for the first time how different blood looks in the dark; it isn't the vibrant red that everyone is so use to. It's now a black, venomous-looking liquid that was beautiful in it's own way. Frank stares at it for a long time wondering just how badly he's hurt, but too afraid to look and see the glass protruding from his foot. Instead, he straightens out his legs and watches the way the dark liquid is smeared across the floor, reminding him of the many horror movies he's seen with bloody footprints trailing through the victim's house.

By now, most of the blood he's tracked through the house should be a dry and flaky brown that will stain for a while. The rustic smell had probably already taken residence in the fabric of the furniture and his clothes. Frank sighs loudly and leans his head back hopelessly against the fridge, hitting it harshly and cursing at himself for not thinking earlier. There is no way for him to stand up now without causing the glass to lodge itself even further into his foot and probably rupture some important artery. It's kind of ridiculous, if Frank's honest with himself, but Frank once again wishes that his neighbors weren't so used to the nightly the fights, the screaming, and the abrupt silence once it ends.

His neighbor to the left is a young mother who is living alone with her two children. When Frank and Gerard first moved in, she had been the more understanding of the two neighbors they were forced to live by. Something about her eyes and they way she smiled told Frank that she understood more than she'd ever tell; something told him that she knew how Frank felt and how truly helpless he was at stopping it.

The first time Gerard stormed out, she had seen it happen. Of course both neighbors got front row seats to whatever was being said, but the grumpy old woman next door to the right, who sometimes banged harshly on the wall when they got too loud, never cared enough anymore to investigate, to make sure that they were okay since the whole police incident, but his neighbor to the left, Jane, did. A lot of the time after Gerard stormed out, she would come over to Frank and Gerard's apartment just to see how Frank was doing. Sometimes, she'd stick around long enough to help him clean. She'd to listen to Frank while he cried silently and tried to frantically explain why he loved Gerard, defend him in Jane's eyes, and convince himself that the fights were always his fault for not being good enough for Gerard. Jane would then hug Frank and tell him to sit down and rest for a bit or take a breather. She'd make them some coffee or grab water from the fridge and they'd just sit together in a calming silence.

Sometimes, Frank couldn't take the silence, though. He'd be too far in his own head for his own good and Jane would happily fill the silence about how her kids were doing in school, how her job was barely satisfactory but paid the bills and got them by, how she'd always wanted to travel around the world before she had kids, and sometimes, if it was really late at night and they were both tired but Frank was too afraid to fall asleep, she'd reveal a little about her past. 　

Her ex-husband was the first guy she'd ever been with, ever felt anything for. He had a charming smile and expressive eyes. He could be serious when he needed to be, but he was the type of guy who chose not to be. She often told Frank that he always said the world was his playground and no one owned the playground, it was just open for anyone to use to have fun with. She had fallen in love with that carefree attitude, the way he carried himself, and the way nothing seemed to bother him. She figured that he'd get her places and he promised that he would once he had the money to. Sadly, they didn't go places and the happiness they felt was only temporary. Jane had gotten pregnant after their second year together and by then their relationship had already been going through a rough time. The man she had grown to love so deeply in the beginning was a lot different and became more distant as time had moved on.

Jane, when describing her life with her ex-husband, always said it was like a fairytale because the good image was as fake as their happy ending. She then compared it to a mirage in the desert, too. Jane said that her ex-husband was that one thing she wished for, but when she was about to reach it, it just disappeared into thin air. It turns out that her husband had been steadily using drugs throughout their entire relationship and after their second child was born, he became so dependant on the substances that he wasn't coming home all that often. She had no clue what was going on in his life and basically was a single mother even while she was married. She feared that he was cheating on her, but nothing could prepare her for what was actually going on.

When the officers knocked on her door, she wanted nothing more than to collapse onto the floor, pretend she'd never heard the knocking, and say that she had been asleep at the time. She almost did just that, but she was afraid the knocking would continually get louder and she'd be forced to face the news in front of her children, that they'd be exposed to whatever harsh world was openly waiting outside of their comfy and secure house.

She had had a brave moment, barely gave herself time to take a deep breath before she was opening the door and facing the reality of her relationship.

Often when Jane talked about the night she learned about her husband getting arrested for being caught with several different drugs she had never commit to memory, she described it as a roof being held up on three pillars with a weak foundation. The foundation had long since been cracked and the pillars were working hard to keep everything in the air, but without a good foundation, without a steady place to rest, the pillars were nothing to hold up the roof. That night, she felt as if the foundation had taken a vacation and the pillars had crumbled under the weight of the roof. She had always imagined herself standing underneath the pillars and when they cracked and fell, she had suffocated underneath them. Her metaphorical walls had fallen and nothing had felt right.

Frank supposes that, in a way, he understood what she was trying to say. When she described the pillars in great detail, Frank couldn't help but look around his destroyed apartment and wonder how many pillars were holding him up, how many verbal beatings he could take before everything caved in on him, and how many times he could stop himself from kicking the pillars down himself just to feel free once and for all. Frank never liked to think about that for too long though and before he could get too far into it, Jane was changing the subject back to more trivial things and taking Frank's deeply wounded feelings into consideration.

The story he'd grown to love from Jane though is the one where she'd talk about starting from the ashes of her old fallen building, reinventing herself from the ruins, and turning it into something so much better than before. She talked so calmly and passionately about independence and the realization that she could be her best even without someone there to be intimate with. She'd grown up enough to know that she needed to work for the clothes she wanted, the special backpack her child wanted, the electric and water bills each month, and supplying her family with food. She always told Frank how much of a better person she chose to be and the fact that she still had dreams, goals to achieve, but they were on hold until her children are a bit older than they are.

When Frank tells her that he can't see himself ever being strong enough alone, Jane smiles lightly and tells him that she once felt the same way, like every door without her husband was closed to her, but she had overcome that mindset. She said that she had had to become her own person rather than an extension of her significant other. Afterwards, the room had settled down into a silence that was much more bearable than before Jane had filled the silence with her stories, her life.

After a while, their coffee mugs were empty and the conversation was no longer able to be held. Jane always got this tired look in her eyes and Frank thanked her constantly before she left. He usually left the mugs on the table to see her out the door and before she'd leave she'd always give him a tight hug that reminded him of his mother when he was younger and upset. He hated how vulnerable Jane could make him feel with just one hug and when he finally told her about it one night, Jane just smiled again and told him that everyone needed a hug at some point in their life and it was simply Frank's turn. That would never fail to make Frank smile in return and thank her again before she disappeared into her own house for the rest of the night.

Frank shifts from how he's sitting on the kitchen floor and feels pins and needles tingling down his thighs into his knees. The pain in his foot is still sharp and it only seems to hurt more when he realizes that Jane isn't coming tonight or really any other night. Jane has to work two shifts at her job in order to support her family and more often than not she wasn't home. Frank knows that her oldest daughter is watching over her younger brother inside because Frank used to babysit for Jane sometime ago when the kids were at least a year younger than they are now. Frank knows that it must scare the kids when they can hear their neighbors yelling through the walls and Frank feels guilty, like he should try harder, but it's easier to wish for it than act on it.

Still, despite the current situation, Frank still wishes that Jane hadn't just accepted that Frank isn't going to leave Gerard, isn't going to become his own person, and isn't going to find that he could be fine on his own. One day, Jane just stopped coming over and Frank learned to accept that people can only deal with another's problems for so long. It was a particularly hard lesson for him to learn, but he managed to do it fairly quickly and almost silently.

Frank looks up at the window above the kitchen sink and notices for the first time that the curtains are open. The moon is now high in the sky and casting little bits of light into the house. The darkness doesn't seem so bad now and when Frank tries to move again, his hand brushes against something laying on the ground beside him. Frank carefully holds the flimsy thing in his hand feels his heart flutter in his chest when he realizes it's the photograph he'd ripped earlier. By now, his hand is shaking as he holds the picture close to his face, trying to make it out in the dark even though he's seen it, marveled over it, millions of times before now.

He and Gerard in the picture are two dark but connected blobs with little bits of light getting in between the rips he hadn't been able to repair. He can't make out the picture very clearly and he's still convinced photographs lie almost as much as paintings do, but he also can't help but feel that it has to mean something because they're still attached even after being ripped apart so viciously. He hopes that he isn't just being overly hopeful toward his relationship with Gerard, but he also hopes that this proves they're meant to last, that even though so many things tear them apart they can still find the good in each other, can still fix what they've destroyed.

Frank feels the ghost of the first smile he's had in a long while and holds the picture close to his chest. It takes a little more time, but Frank finally musters up the courage to move, to be strong enough to leave the kitchen even if he has to crawl. The only thing that keeps him going is the fact that things between the two of them weren't and aren't always that bad.

There are always those nights when Gerard returned home from the office completely worn out, frustrated, and fed up with anything and everything relating to work. On those nights, he and Gerard usually cuddled together on the couch, eating TV dinners, and yelling at some game show that happened to be on at the time. Sometimes, they'd put on some cheesy horror movie and laugh their asses off at the fake gore. Then, they'd spend the whole night just enjoying each other's company until one of them--usually Gerard--fell asleep.

Frank loved it when Gerard fell asleep in his arms. He loved the way the day's worries disappeared with each rise and fall of his chest, making Gerard face turn innocent and youthful; the way Gerard's hair fanned out around him like a halo and he sometimes talked in his sleep. Watching Gerard sleep always made Frank realize just how lucky he was to have someone like Gerard because people like Gerard didn't come around all that often.

Gerard was the type of guy Frank always wanted to be around because when he was with him all the bad things seemed to disappear. It was almost as if it was impossible be sad or disappointed around Gerard because he always had so much to offer. It didn't matter if Frank called Gerard at three in the morning or three in the afternoon because Gerard had always made time for him, offered to hug him when no one else wanted to be near him, and made Frank's life better just by breathing. Frank's knees always got weak when Gerard smiled at him because his smiles were the best things in the world, like little beams of sunlight specifically aimed towards him. Frank's heart skipped a beat when Gerard singled him out of a crowd just to make sure Frank knew that he wasn't alone in the world after all. Frank's soul purpose for waking up in the morning on most days was just to see Gerard laying next to him and he wouldn't want it any other way. Frank had yet to meet someone who didn't love Gerard, who didn't want to be with him, who didn't want to spend time with him. Gerard's personality radiated out and touched everyone around him. A lot of the time, Frank wondered why Gerard even bother to be with him.

The first time Frank had seen Gerard, they were just two strangers walking on a sidewalk and Frank had been at his worst. It had been very cold outside and Frank tried to blame the tears that had been streaming down his face at the time on the cold, but his jacket could only cover up so much. Frank had been miserable, questioning who he was and why he mattered when Gerard stepped in front of him and stopped him from walking any further. Frank still remembers the way Gerard's eyes met his eyes and the way he smiled at him. At the time, Frank couldn't stand to see a smile and it had only made things so much worse by being exactly what he needed at the moment. Finally, he couldn't hold back anymore and he was sobbing on some stranger's shoulder in the middle of a busy sidewalk. It had been Frank's worst day but also his best.

After Frank stopped clutching Gerard and crying on him long enough to speak, Gerard had offered to buy him coffee and the opportunity to unload his problems on a stranger for a separate and unbiased opinion. Frank had been wary at first, but something about Gerard's smile and the way his eyes held nothing but trust told Frank that he'd be okay. Together, they walked to the nearest warm coffee shop and Frank had to tell Gerard that he'd never actually tried coffee before and wasn't sure if he'd like it but didn't want to pass on the offer to unload his problems. Gerard's eyes had widened adorably and while Frank tried not to feel how it made him feel, it couldn't be ignored. Gerard immediately promised that he'd only get Frank the best and Frank had smiled for the first time in months, years even. He hadn't had a lot to be happy about for so long, but some stranger was changing and turning his life around just by sitting across from him, hearing every single thing he had to say without interrupting.

Frank doesn't quite remember exactly how long they just sat there talking for, but the quiet yet light atmosphere went uninterrupted for several hours as Frank just unloaded his problems and learned a bit about Gerard. It was Gerard's ringing phone that finally pulled them out of their safe environment and back into the harsh reality. Frank found himself wishing out loud that he didn't have to face reality anymore, that his life was as easy as talking to Gerard was that day. Gerard had just smiled widely in response with a weird glint in his eyes that Frank couldn't quite place.

Shortly afterwards, Frank regrettably realized that he had to go and Gerard had taken it all in good stride. They argued lightly over who should pay the bill before Gerard decided that they should just split it down the middle. Then, the pair had walked back out together into the cold.

Once they were outside, Gerard lit up a cigarette and offered one to Frank, which he took gladly. They smoked in silence for a while, walking slowly in the direction Frank was headed until they reached his destination. They had talked about so much on the way there that Frank felt as if he knew Gerard by heart just from one day and the truth is, is that he wasn't too far off. Gerard had the tendency to keep things open, to conceal nothing, and everyone could read him like an open book. There were no impure moments or some conniving scheme up his sleeve because Gerard could only be who he was and he chose not to be defined in that way.

To Frank, Gerard had been an angel and he was afraid of letting his angel disappear. He was already in too deep and, because of this, Frank found himself admitting his reluctance to let Gerard go, to never see him again. Then, to Frank's surprise, Gerard pulled out his phone and handed it to Frank. Frank didn't even hesitate as he punched in his number and tried to ignore the way he felt his eyes light up when Gerard texted him the minute he got his phone back.

Frank had been ecstatic before he realized that he was actually very late and really had to go this time. Frank was ready to settle for an awkward wave and a promise that he'd call Gerard when Gerard did the unexpected; he had hugged Frank. Now that Frank thinks about it, he should've known that Gerard wouldn't have left him with any less. Frank stood in the driveway and watched Gerard leave and when Gerard had turned around, another smile on his lips, one more open and familiar, and told Frank that his phone was always on. Gerard promised he would always be there for him. Gerard made Frank promise that he'd call him whenever he was feeling less than happy and when something was bugging him, and Frank wasn't about to break his promise to the one person who had made such a difference in such a short amount of time. Frank then promised himself that he wouldn't let Gerard down, that he wouldn't let himself down, and he made good on that promise just as Gerard came through on his.

Frank moves a little from his position on the floor and winces at the pain he's feeling. It had intensified since the last time he's moved and the blood is still flowing just as thickly and mixing in with what had already started drying and stained the white tiles. Frank holds the picture closely to his chest as he moves onto his hands and knees. He's already decided that walking would only make everything worse and if the situation wasn't scary enough, then he would've been more worried about the dizziness he is feeling. In order to keep the picture from damaging anymore, Frank slips it between his lips, careful to keep it from touching the inside of his mouth. He makes a small move forward and realizes that his legs aren't quite awake enough for this. His toes feel freezing cold and he's beginning to worry that he's cut circulation off from them. Frank tries to convince himself that the pain is all in his head, and tries to occupy his mind with memories of the first date he and Gerard went on years ago.

Their phones calls had gotten more frequent as time went on and it didn't take Frank long to realize that he wasn't really upset anymore. It was as if Gerard had sucked out all the anger, the frustration, and everything not worth being in Frank's life just by listening to everything Frank had to say and not judging him. Gerard had been the only constant thing in Frank's life for so long and Frank had no idea how to repay Gerard, how to show Gerard how much he meant to him. He confessed this to Gerard after one of their lighter conversations about music and their favorite books when it had died down to a small but comfortable silence. Gerard had insisted that Frank didn't have to pay him back and their phone calls were Gerard's favorite part of the day, but Frank wasn't having any of it. Finally, Gerard agreed that they should get together the next day and just spend the whole day hanging out, forgetting about their problems and focusing on other things. Frank had happily agreed as long as Gerard agreed that he wouldn't once take out his wallet and pay for anything. Gerard had been hesitant at first, but eventually they managed to come to terms with it.

That night, Frank hadn't been able to sleep. He tossed and turned in his bed all night and thought about Gerard. To Frank, Gerard was the love of his life. Gerard was more than a best friend or someone to run to when he was upset--though he'd done it plenty of times before. Gerard was his anchor and Frank felt undeniably attracted to him. Frank felt as if he could tell Gerard everything and anything and that was something Frank had never thought of himself being able to do before. There was something about Gerard that just changed him, made him want to better himself, and he couldn't let that go.

The next morning, Frank was jittery and was barely able to contain himself from going to their meeting place way earlier than their planned time. He had had to talk himself into being calm and not checking his phone constantly all morning. He even had to refrain from calling Gerard every other minute because, even though he'd never spent the night with Gerard before, he knew that Gerard didn't like waking up before noon, and Frank had made it his mission to respect that no matter how hard it was some mornings.

Two hours before noon, Frank had finally been able to sit down and stop pacing for what felt like he'd been doing for more hours than necessary when his phone rang. He leapt at the very chance of it being from Gerard and couldn't help the way his heart sped up when it was Gerard, and the fact that Gerard was calling way before their planned time and noon. Apparently, Gerard was as excited at meeting up and hanging out as Frank was, so they agreed to meet up earlier than before and Frank was ecstatic.

They met on a beach just outside of town and spent the whole day sitting in the sand, laughing and enjoying just being together. It wasn't until the sun was about to set when Gerard suggested they get ice cream. The temperature had already dropped considerably, but Frank wasn't going to complain or shorten his time with Gerard because he was more than sure that he was in love with Gerard and would do anything for him. Frank wanted to believe that Gerard felt the same way due to the way Gerard looked at him, but he was too afraid to make the first move, to make sure. He would rather have Gerard as a friend for the rest of his life than not have him at all. That was the sacrifice he was willing to make in order to stay happy.

Once they got their ice cream, they headed back to their spot on the beach and looked up at the setting sun. The colors reflected gorgeously off the waters below and Frank was surprised when Gerard pulled out a sketchpad from the bag he'd brought with him and started drawing what the sky had given to him. Frank had watched mesmerized as the sky and waters were duplicated perfectly in his journal and Gerard continued to talk to Frank about his past or whatever was going on through his mind at the time. By now, Gerard's ice cream, which was resting on the arm of his chair, was already beginning to melt all over the place, and Frank's was no better. They continued to watch as the day faded into night and the colors slowly disappeared, Gerard's drawing never to be complete because of the short amount of time he was given, and Frank had somehow gravitated closer to Gerard than he'd realized. When Gerard looked up at Frank to point at a specific star, their noses bumped together and that was the last of Frank's self control.

Frank had leaned in slowly, assessing Gerard's eyes and watching them as they darted curiously from Frank's own eyes to his lips. They were only a centimeter away and Gerard's eyelids were flickering closed, his face leaning closer to Frank's before Frank closed his eyes too and went for it. Their lips connected and all Frank could do was feel how rough Gerard's lips were on his, the way Gerard's hands found their way on both sides of Frank's face to deepen the kiss, and how Gerard's mouth had tasted like the ice cream he'd just eaten. To Frank, the kiss had seemed to last for eternity and it was everything he'd imagined it to be.

When they finally managed to pull away from each other, Gerard smiled widely and told Frank how long he'd wanted to do just that. Frank had blushed profusely before admitting that he'd wanted that since they'd first met and talked at the coffee shop. Gerard had just taken his hand and intertwined their fingers before leaning back in his chair and pointing back towards the sky.

Frank finds himself in the living room when he comes to and barely registering the pain in his foot anymore. He's on his way to the restroom to maybe clean up his foot when his head feels too light and he's falling over. He hits the small table beside the couch with his head and his vision swims as his cell phone falls to the ground just out of his reach. All previous thoughts of happiness evade him and he finds himself very cold and very alone. As he's laying all alone of the floor, he realizes that if he dies right here no one will notice or know until Gerard gets back the next morning. Before Frank can stop himself, he's curling up into a ball and crying harder than he's cried all night, the feeling of being alone hitting him the hardest and striking him to his very core. He's gasping for breath and hyperventilating at the same time, clutching his chest as pains wrack through him. Frank starts reaching out for his phone and wants to cry out even more when his fingers barely graze the phone, pushing it farther away from him on accident.

He wants to call out for help, but he knows that no one will be coming to his rescue. Instead, he tries to control his breathing, settling for a pace that's too fast to be considered normal but slow enough to make his eyes stop swimming and stop the dizziness. He manages to move down enough to grasp his cell and hits the speed dial as he gets off the floor. The bathroom is now a short ways away, but Frank's now doubting his ability to make it as the phone continues to ring uselessly in his ear.

He barely reaches the cold linoleum tiles to his bathroom when he hears a familiar voice through the receiver. Frank's heart picks up in pace before he remembers why he's even in this situation in the first place and it slows his heart, weighs it down heavily. The voice repeats itself several times before Frank realizes that it doesn't sound venomous at all. It sounds loving and caring as if they hadn't been fighting just hours before. The thought makes Frank's heart clench and his chest contract painfully. He wishes he could hear this side of Gerard more often than he hears the yelling side nowadays and it takes him back to the promise he made to Gerard a long while ago. With that sudden burst of thought, Frank realizes that he hasn't held his side of the promise, but Gerard had never broken his.

"Frank, please, babe, answer me. Are you alright?" Gerard's voice, originally calm and loving, is now filled with worry. Frank feels a tad bit guilty but his head is too full of other thoughts to answer him correctly or even understand him completely. All Frank can focus on is the way the cold tiles feel warm compared to the rest of his body and how he hasn't stopped shaking since he'd hit his head on the table.

Frank's hands are shaking badly, almost enough to keep him from going on, and he's thankful that he's able to hold the phone between his shoulder and ear as he crawls inch by inch. He finally stops when he's behind the door and leaning against the tub. He can hear his breathing through the phone and his teeth are starting to chatter, rocking against each other as he breathes out, "Gerard."

"Frank, thank god! Are you okay?" Gerard's voice is filled with relief but the worry is still there and somewhere inside of Frank, he feels reassured when Gerard shows he cares enough to worry. That consolation only lasts for a moment though, until he remembers why called Gerard in the first place.

"I broke my promise to you. You kept your promise to me, but I stopped when we got together." Frank's voice is choked up with sobs and self loathing. He can hear shuffling at the other end of the line and faint voices in the background.

"What are you talking about? Frank, I'm at Mikey's house. Are you okay? Where are you? Tell me and I'll come get you, okay?"

Frank can't make sense of his words, his questions, as their hurled at him and his already confused brain. He means to say that he's fine and in the bathroom, but his mouth won't stop long enough for his brain to catch up and he ends up saying, "I'm not fine, Gerard. I broke my promise to you. Remember when we first met and you had me promise that I'd call you if I was feeling less than fine? Well, I stopped doing that after we got together. I called you to keep my promise and to tell you that I'm not fine. I'm never fine when you leave me alone after our arguments. I hate being alone and I wish you were here all the time."

The shuffling got louder and the voices were no longer faint. Frank could hear Gerard breathing harshly in the phone and there's a small catch in his voice as he speaks slowly to Frank, "Okay, Frank, listen to me, okay?"

"Okay, I'm trying."

"I'm at Mikey's house right now, but I need to know where you are."

Frank laughs and looks around their small apartment bathroom, trying to remember the last time he had cleaned it, let alone really looked around to see how dirty it was, "I'm at our house, Gee. I never leave our really shitty apartment because I'm afraid that you'll come back and I won't be here to see it happen. I like it when you come home because then I know that someone cares about me, that I'm not all alone in this."

"Frank," Gerard's voice is shaking, "Focus, baby. Are you hurt?"

Frank looks down at his foot and realizes that he still can't feel it. The blood has slowed down considerably, but his whole foot is numb along with his ankle. He's not sure whether that's a good or bad sign,"Yeah, well, at least I think so."

Gerard makes a frustrated sound but another voice in the background gets rid of it immediately with a few words. When Gerard speaks again, his gentle tone is back, "Okay, Frankie, listen to me. I want you to stay on the phone with me until I get to our apartment. Mikey's house is twenty minutes away, so I'll be there before you know it."

Frank blinks his eyes and for the first time he realizes just how tired he is. His head is still clouded a his neck is barely supporting him anymore. He's sliding down the side of the tub and almost laying down. Twenty minutes seems to far away and he would already be asleep if it weren't for the fact that his neck was caught in a painful position. He listens to Gerard's voice through the phone for a bit before he needs to talk to Gerard, to tell Gerard what's happening in case it's bad, "Gerard, I'm getting really tired. Can I go to sleep while I wait for you to get here?"

Frank can hear the car and the radio lightly playing in the background. It's almost like static in Frank's brain, but Gerard's cuts the static away and breaks through it, "No, you can't go to sleep yet, Frankie. I want to go home and make sure you don't have a concussion or aren't bleeding."

"I don't think I can keep my eyes open anymore," Frank replies weakly as he looks down at his foot. His foot is now tinted blue and paler than he's ever seen it before, but the bleeding as finally stopped. He can see the tip of the glass sticking out from his foot due to his legs being bent awkwardly in front of him, but he's still too afraid to check the extent of the damage. He closes his eyes for a second to clear the sight out of his mind before he hears the phone clatter onto the floor. He can't even open his eyes to look at where it landed or feel if his neck is still hurting from the position he's in. All the knows is that he's floating and he can faintly hear Gerard calling his name through the phone, but the voice gets smaller and smaller the longer Frank keep his eyes closed and as he floats higher and higher.

Then, without a warning, Gerard's voice stops and Frank is higher than he's ever been before.

***

Frank squirms comfortably in his bed and slowly opens his eyes, blinking away the lights that are streaming through the open window. It takes Frank a moment to remember the day before and to realize that the room is no longer destroyed. All he feels in confusion for a while until he remembers the phone conversation and falling asleep on Gerard.

Frank listens carefully for signs of noise and hears the clinking of glass and the sounds of Gerard's boots echoing throughout the house. Frank wishes that he could tell just by the sounds of Gerard's echoing boots if Gerard's still angry or upset at him, but not even he can tell the difference between happy steps and angry steps. The boots always sounds menacing and angry.

Finally, Frank gives in and calls out for Gerard. His voice sounds dry and wrecked, as if he hadn't spoken for days. He wants some water to correct his voice and get it to how it normally sounds. His thoughts are interrupted when he hears glass falling and breaking in the living room, a few muttered curses from a voice that definitely sounds like Gerard's, and then the boots making their way loudly and quickly towards Frank. Before Frank even has time to lift himself up on the pillows, Gerard is kneeling down next to him and grabbing for his hand, "Good morning, Frankie. How are you feeling?"

"I feel fine," I rasped, "just a little thirsty."

Gerard nodded and smiled lightly, the worry still evident in his eyes, "Okay, you wait right here while I get you a glass of water. Then, we need to talk about a few things."

Frank felt his heart stutter in his chest as Gerard squeezed his hand once tightly before kissing his forehead gently and leaving the room to get his water. Frank fidgeted in their bed and under the covers before throwing them off and deciding he was too hot and nervous to keep them on. He caught sight of the white bandages around his foot and he remembered the sight of the glass sticking out from the bottom of his foot scarily. He closes his eyes to erase the image from his mind at the same time Gerard comes back into the room with his water and a few pills.

"I brought a few painkillers in case your foot is bothering you or if your head is still hurting. It's not much but when I got home, I had to call in a doctor. He managed to get the glass out of your foot here at the house. He also said you hit your head pretty hard on something and if you're experiencing any severe pains that I should take you in to see him immediately." Gerard carefully sat down on the bed beside Frank and handed him the pills and the water.

Frank tipped his head back thankfully and took the pills before greedily drinking the water he was given. Once he was done, he looked over at Gerard and blushed at the fond look in his eyes as he watched Frank watch him. Frank scooted closer to Gerard on the bed and Gerard happily wrapped his arms around him, kissing the top of his repeatedly as they just sat there on the bed together calmly. Frank was about to drift off into sleep again when Gerard's voice cut through the silence, "When I returned home, I started freaking out."

Frank moved away from Gerard a little so he could get a better look at him. Gerard kept his eyes trained downwards as he spoke in the quiet atmosphere, "At first, I thought that someone had broken in and ransacked our apartment. I thought that they had hurt you and I was far too late to save you. I saw glass all over floor, our furniture pushed over and broken, and then I saw your bloody footprints by the door. All I could think about was the way I had left you standing by that same spot. I hadn't even bothered locking the door as I stormed out and I couldn't be sure that you had either."

Gerard's eyes were now staring directly into Frank's as he spoke, tears threatening to spill over and blur the image they had of one another, "I didn't know what to do and I just kind of collapsed on the floor, too afraid to search for you in case I came to the worst. Then, I remembered our fight just hours before and I could remember the way we were screaming, the sounds of glass breaking, and then I realized that it wasn't a stranger that had done this to our lives and apartment, it was the two of us alone. I tried to remember what we had been fighting about as I got off the floor and started turning lights on all throughout the house as I followed your bloody footprints. It made me realize that while you were stuck here after every fight, I was off at Mikey's pretending that it was someone else's life, someone else's mess."

By now, Gerard was crying loudly and openly, his voice coming out in a jagged mess, but he didn't stop, "I found the large puddle of blood in the kitchen and I started freaking out majorly before sucking it up and realizing that you had been through worse than just seeing the blood. I followed the trail into the bathroom and-" Gerard paused and took in a shaky breath, "Seeing you on the bathroom floor, shaking with blood covered glass sticking out of your foot, scared me to my very core. I will never be able to erase that image out of my mind and the realization that I was going to lose you if I didn't do something, anything."

Frank scooted closer to Gerard and laid his head on his shoulder, "I'm sorry that you had to come home to that, Gerard. I-"

Gerard shook his head lightly and placed a single finger to Frank's lips to silence him, "Wait, I'm not done yet and this is important. You need to hear this."

Frank nodded and Gerard started running his hand gently through Frank's hair, "The first thing I did was call your doctor and told him to get over here as quickly as possible. I gave him instructions of how to get into the house on his own since I didn't want to leave you for a second after finding you. Afterwards, I carefully lifted you up and started carrying you towards our bedroom when a little rectangular paper fell onto the floor at my feet. I wouldn't have noticed it at all if I hadn't of been looking at your face and making sure that you were still breathing every two seconds."

"After I got you on the bed, I wanted to go back out there and find the paper, but I was too afraid of leaving you alone, so I waited. When the doctor got here, I was told to leave the room so I didn't have to watch him remove the glass from your foot and bandage it up. I went back into the living room and found the paper only to be surprised when it was the picture from when we went to the beach for vacation last summer, but it was ripped and then taped back together. I stared at it for a long time afterwards before my knees collapsed and I was sitting on the ground right in the same spot that I had left you standing at."

"I cried for a really long time afterwards, Frank. I cried for the way I had been treating you, at the way we yelled at each other, and I wondered where all the happiness in our relationship went. I wonder why we screamed at each other so much and why I always ran away from it rather than trying to solve it, trying to put us back together even if we ended up looking like that picture. I just sat there and refused to look at the picture before I needed to. When I looked at it again, I noticed the way we were smiling and the way we were holding hands. I wondered if that was the truth of our relationship or if we were suppose to fall apart before we destroyed each other as much as we destroyed our own home."

Gerard looked at Frank seriously before smiling lightly, the tears now subsiding, the story easier to understand, "It kept asking myself what I wanted and how I was going carry out what I wanted, or if I should do what I thought was best for you before I looked at the background of our photo. I noticed that we were on the same beach that we had first kissed at just last summer. Do you remember that kiss?"

Frank smiled widely and then pressed his lips to Gerard's, "Of course I do. I had waited so long for it and there is no way in hell that I'll ever be able to forget that."

Gerard laughed lightly before returning the simple and sweet kiss. Frank leaned heavily into Gerard's side and loved the way Gerard's arms made him feel warm and safe. He closed his eyes and felt his shoulders relax as Gerard continued to speak, "After I looked at the beach and the way we were smiling the photo, I decided that everything we'd been through was worth it. I decided that I couldn't leave you. I took the phone call we had into consideration too. You told me that you didn't like it when I left after an argument and I don't like when I leave this place either. I hate not knowing if you're okay or if you're going to leave me while I'm gone."

Frank startled and struggled to meet Gerard's eyes, "Gerard, I can't leave you either. I can't. I can't even think about it without feeling weak and not all the way me."

Gerard smiled softly before pressing another chaste kiss to Frank's hair, "I know, Frankie. I know, but I need you to know that I'm not going to leave after arguments anymore. I may mess up a few times, but know that I'll always come back to you, okay? I'm stuck with you for life, even if you decide that you don't want this anymore. I'll let you go, but I'll never stop loving you. My door will always be open, my phone always on, and I'll always be right here for you. I wish that I could promise that we'll never fight again, but that's unrealistic. I'll try my hardest to make this work, for you, for me, and for us. I don't ever want to lose you or get as close to losing you as I was. You mean the world and more to me."

Frank could feel the tears streaming down his face as he sat up straighter in the bed to be level with Gerard, "Gerard, you're my soul reason to get up in the mornings, even after an argument. I'll always be here for you; for the good and the bad, I'll be glued to your side. I love you. I love you so much that it's hard to think when I'm around you even after all this time. You make me complete and I can't breathe without you."

Frank's words were cut off when Gerard's lips connected with his. Their mouth meshing into one and their body heat being shared as they rolled over on the bed, Gerard now straddling Frank, "I love you, too, Frank. I don't think I say it enough, but I do. I really fucking do. I'm crazy about you and in ten years I'll still be crazily in love with you. You're it for me."

"You're it for me, too." Frank whispered back as he caressed Gerard's face.

Gerard closed his eyes and rolled off from his position on top of Frank, "How about we catch some sleep right now and later on today we go back to the beach and spend the day hanging out and forgetting our worries?"

Frank smiled brightly and kissed his Gerard slowly before closing his eyes and laying back on the many pillows, "I'd love nothing more than to do that with you. We haven't done it in so long that I've begun to miss it."

Gerard smiled and closed his eyes too, wrapping his arms around Frank and loving the way Frank's head felt resting on his chest, "Me too, Frankie. Now, catch some sleep and I'll keep you safe."

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

END


End file.
